how involved are grad students supposed to be?

This is a question I've never had the right answer to, and that I suppose I should figure out at some point.

When I applied to my PhD program, several friends from grad school were surprised I wanted to go back to school at all. I'm not sure why that is--I like teaching, I like new media/composition/rhet stuff, and I honestly don't want to adjunct for the rest of my life. The timing is a little strange, I'll admit, since at some point I'll be working, going to grad school, and planning a wedding, but otherwise stuff's okay.

But no, they all said something to the effect of "But you really weren't that involved, you had your own stuff going on, you didn't buy into the academic bullshit...."

Hrm.... I have no idea what the heck that means.

While a Masters candidate I:

1. Served on the graduate student council
2. Served on the liberal arts curriculum committee, helped to write a new major, got it passed by the school and the state, and then helped revamp another. We also wrote up the guidelines for the next year's assessment.
3. Ran and partcipated in a few student clubs (yay service)
4. Attended meetings, parties, and so on for grad students
5. Spent anywhere from 20-80 hours in the lab a week trying to get stuff to work when the support staff refused to

And so on. Sure I wasn't reading in my office, but quite honestly my recliner at home was more comfy.

So I don't understand "not involved" other than the fact I wasn't sitting in class spouting this stuff from the rafters and shouting "Look what I DO!" like several of my classmates. In fact, I kinda thought that was tacky. Talking about what you love is one thing, talking about it to show off is entirely something else. I did talk about my community involvement a lot, I guess, as I did theater and choreography work, but again--talking about what you LOVE is one thing. Talking about the private work of a committee you're serving on? Yeah, not so cool.

Over this summer, a post was made to the English grads list (here, not there) wherein uninvolved GTAs were discussed. I haven't made it to a SAGE meeting yet, and I'm beginning to panic that people will think I'm uninvolved again, that I have too much of my own shit going on to partcipate. And unparticipatory GTAs just aren't understood--or so sayeth the e-mail.

Fridays are my reading and work day, the ONE day I'm guaranteed off of everything. I can give that up, and would willingly, except that lately that also means this is the day I do other things.

Last week I got my car fixed (the suspension had a technical service bulletin out on it, and I had known something was up for awhile, so now that's done), and this week my mom's dog is having surgery to remove a tumor on Thursday, and it's just my guess, but she's probably going to need help.

I know where my priority lies--I want to help the people I care about. But I also don't want anybody to ever wonder just why the heck I'm here either. And in that, I'm slightly frustrated. I know there's plenty of time to get involved later, but I also know that there's no end to the other stuff I have to do. And, if the doggy has cancer, there's really no end to the babysitting I will most likely have to do on my day off so she can do things like buy groceries.

And well, that had nothing to do with class or pedagogy. Bite me.